MERRY CHISTMAS, everyone … and every best wish for all that follows.
As promised, this month’s newsletter will essentially dispense with writing news. (Please hold down the applause – the cat is trying to nap in front of the fireplace.) The one brief exception is to thank all of those who have sent kind notes and congratulations on the publication of The YouTube Candidate. Special thanks as well to those who have so graciously taken of their time to mention the book to acquaintances on Facebook, X, and other social media. I hope that process will carry on and the network will continue to expand and touch additional readers.
And now … in lieu of a Christmas letter or writing-related news, here is a bit of mirth that may bring a smile as we enter the Christmas season. I hope you will enjoy the story.
THE DASHING BRIGADIER: A TALE OF ADVENTURE AND ROMANCE
General Sir Reginald Faversham Drysock, a brilliant young brigadier, was stationed at an isolated post deep in the Sahara. When his fiancée, the beautiful Lady Hyacinth Shrillwhistle, came to visit him she was tragically kidnapped by a passing band of Bedouins who took her to Casablanca and held her for ransom. Drysock set out immediately on a near-sighted camel named Earl, traveling across hundreds of miles of trackless desert in an attempt to rescue her. His quest was delayed when, due to Earl’s near-sightedness, they took a wrong turn at Marrakesh.
In the meantime, while Hyacinth waited for his arrival, a Norwegian sardine fisherman whose boat was blown far off course by a storm in the North Sea happened to wash ashore in North Africa. Hearing of Lady Hyacinth’s tragic circumstance, he sold his entire catch of sardines and purchased her freedom. The Bedouins were enthralled by the taste of sardines, which had not previously been a standard part of their diet. So overwhelming was their response that the fisherman decided to stay and open a chain of drive-in sardine restaurants. He later expanded the menu to include elk meat and frozen tundra salad. Lady Hyacinth was understandably grateful to him for securing her freedom. She also took note of his growing affluence and began a romantic relationship with him – Drysock had, after all, been on the road a long time. She and the fisherman fell deeply in love. They eventually married, had eleven children, and lived happily ever after.
When Drysock finally showed up in Casablanca he was understandably distraught at having lost Lady Hyacinth. He resigned his commission and for several months simply wandered the globe dejected and alone. For a short time he served as an itinerant preacher for a little-known sect that believed that a divine intelligence permeated the entire universe except maybe for Texas and a small part of southern New Jersey. Eventually, his meanderings took him to an isolated hamlet deep in the mountains of Switzerland. There he settled for a time, immersed in the beauty and serenity of the surroundings. As the weeks went by, he came to increasingly look forward to the nightly yodeling and flugelhorn concerts – a tradition in the village – presented by his Swiss neighbors. Immersed in the magic of the music, his enjoyment continued to increase until his happiness knew no bounds. Eventually, he felt himself fully cured from his malaise. Overjoyed – and convinced that the enchanted music had restored his health – he made it his life’s mission to carry the good news of yodeling and flugelhorn music around the globe. He committed his life to travelling to the ends of the earth – even to the most remote, isolated places on the planet – to introduce the music to the millions who regrettably had not yet heard it or benefited from its healing magic.
To describe Drysock’s venture as successful would be a vast understatement. In the shortest possible time, travelers to out of the way places like the middle of the Sahara Desert would come across Bedouin tribesmen yodeling around the campfire in the evening. Passengers on cruise ships docking at remote locations like Papua New Guinea would find themselves greeted not by salesmen hawking shrunken heads (made in China) as had been the custom for decades, but by flugelhorn ensembles serenading them on the pier.
Quite soon the yodeling and flugelhorn initiative became a worldwide phenomenon. Drysock himself endowed Yodeling Chairs at Harvard and Yale. The Boston Pops and New York Philharmonic quickly added flugelhorn sections to their orchestras.
Even the world’s great literature succumbed to the charm of the music. A Nobel Prize winning poet retranslated the most famous stanza from the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam to read
A Book of Verses under the Bough
A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread – and Thou
Beside me, yodeling in the darkness
What pleased Drysock most of all was that on a trip through Casablanca, he met the sardine fisherman who had rescued Lady Hyacinth. They immediately became fast friends. The fisherman was so enamored with Drysock’s business model that he decided on the spot to join him in a partnership. Very soon, from places like Avenue des Champs-Elysees and Times Square to Main Street in Chugwater, Wyoming, patrons could drop in to an attractive venue for yodeling and flugelhorn lessons and then walk next door for a sardine sandwich.
Drysock wound up marrying a beautiful Miss Universe contestant who had yodeled to the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic during pageant’s talent competition. Life was good for them. They remained together, happy and productive, accompanied by Earl the camel – his near-sightedness having been cured with Lasik surgery.
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